Judgey Wudgey was a Bear....

I have been thinking a lot about judgement. Particularly self judgement. Admittedly these last couple of weeks have been challenging for numerous reasons, one of those being that I turn thirty this year and I still haven't figured out what I want to be when I grow up. I also ate a lot of chocolate...and cheesecake...and pizza... and drank a lot of wine over the last couple of weeks or so (which always puts a dent in my self-confidence). It is immensely easy to put great expectations on ourselves; I should be a lawyer, I should be a wife, I should have three kids and be a size four...but why do we do that?

Am I doing it because I expect more out of myself? Maybe...but I can tell you that I have been genuinely happy over the last several months. I have lived with severe anxiety problems most of my life and all of my adult life, and until the last couple of years I was crippled by the disorder. But I found a way to cope that has changed my life in an extraordinary way. It's an incredibly simple thing, I asked myself a very basic question: Who am I?  

I started focusing on my energy, my music, my favorite books, my health, my relationships. I quit my career job and suddenly had time to think about who the hell I actually was. Was I a good friend? Was I a good musician? What books did I like to read? I began devoting myself to exploring all of these areas - and it has transformed my life. 

I still have some anxiety, I still pass self judgement. But I am a much happier and healthier person than I have ever been... and yeah, so I'm turning 30 this year - if it starts off half as good as my 20s have been ending then bring it on!